Biographical AdLibs!

In order to provide you worthy viewers with some entertainment, and to convey some postmodernist notion about the plasticity of history, I have thus devised a biography wherein the reader may choose the best possible history of your humble website maintainer. Keep in mind that while all answers are true, some are more true than others. Those that select the truest possible course will be transported, via the magic of javascript, to a bonus information page, not available to regular viewers! So grab your mice, and good luck.